people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
