I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
