he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
