Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
