So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
