dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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