so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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