did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
