She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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