Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
