you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
