What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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