Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
