This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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