if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
