12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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