how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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