I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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