Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
