if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
