There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
