Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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