on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
