can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
