ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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