Where did you get a picture of my penis
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
