hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
