Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
