About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
