Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
