Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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