I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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