Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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