I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
