Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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