saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
