I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need water and some morals
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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