I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
