I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
