I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
