Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
