she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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