I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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