I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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