he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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