Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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