I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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