A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
