as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
