I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
