I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
