Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you could order shots online.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
