I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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