I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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