I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
