so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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