I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
