no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
