bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
