my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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