we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
