If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
