Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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