PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
