so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
