Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
