i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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