i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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