Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
