A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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