I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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