remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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