i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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