Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My bed smells like the plague
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
