Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
3 2 1 whiskey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
