You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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