I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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