Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
