Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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