it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
