Screwed.edu
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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