Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
