i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i'm inner monologue high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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