She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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